Contest winner: greyniffler
Runner-up: Rehannah
"Don't touch it! Everyone, back away carefully..."
In the infirmary at Isola Indietro, a clutch of teachers stopped squabbling and warily widened the gap between their feet and the crushed remnants of the falcon figurine. Two students remained on hospital beds, one of them staring fearfully over the edge of his sick-berth, the other lying still under a sheet. A portly, middle-aged man peeked around the edge of a nearby screen, giving free rein to his Quick Quotes Quill while, behind him, a younger man with a large, smoking camera jostled for a view. Only Ilona remained close to the fragments.
She pointed her wand at a small, gleaming object among the shards of hard-baked clay. As the wand tip lifted, so did the little bright thing, rising up off the floor until it hovered in front of Ilona's face, an arm's reach away.
Into the hush came a quick, stifled gasp. No one looked round to see who had done it. Everyone in the room felt the same way. For hundreds of years, the falcon figurine had been reckoned indestructible. But now it had shattered into hundreds of pieces. Who would have guessed that among them would be something like this?
It was made of smooth, clear crystal. It seemed to glow with a faint, inner light; or perhaps that was the effect of torchlight reflecting off countless tiny, glittering specks suspended within it. If it had any color at all, one might have called it golden; but again, that may have come from the torches. A weight of silence seemed to press down upon all who looked at it. If it was part of a statue, the whole must have been a marvel to behold. Though this small bit, by itself, might have looked ridiculous when made of any other material, no one grinned as the faculty, student, and guests realized what the object was shaped like. In sparkly crystal they beheld a perfectly formed, life-sized, human index finger.
"If that's a piece of a statue," whispered the Tummetot headmaster, "the whole must have been priceless beyond imagination."
"Don't be thick, Sandstad," his opposite number from Iphinassa barked. "We would know if there had ever been such a statue. No, this finger is what it is."
"But what is it?" breathed Isola Indietro's Quidditch instructor.
"It was one of a matched pair," Ilona replied.
"How do you know that?" Professor Sandstad snorted.
"Look there," said Ilona, gesturing with her free hand while holding the levitating finger at wandpoint. The others looked down and spotted tiny, gleaming fragments of crystal among the remains of the stone falcon.
"That could be anything," scoffed the Iphinassa head. "All the king's horses and all the king's men..."
"Bit small for all that, don't you think?" the lurking journalist blurted. Everyone but Ilona jerked around at the sound of his voice. Flushed with embarrassment, Bo Dwyer stepped out of his hiding place with his hands above his head. A moment later he reached back and yanked his photographer into view. "Sorry," he said. "Couldn't help but overhear..." He was careful to position his and his assistant's bodies so that the others did not see his Quick Quotes Quill scribbling on a roll of parchment.
Ilona threw him a tight smile and chirped, "Mr. Dwyer, how kind of you to join us!"
"There's a ring down there," said the less dead of the two students, who had continued to scrutinize the debris on the floor while the others argued. It was impossible to mistake what he said, because of his richly rolling r. Nevertheless, the Tummetot headmaster said, "A what?"
Ilona rolled her eyes, as if to say, Not another ring!
"Well spotted, Aris," said the Iphinassa head as he lunged forward to pick up the ring.
"Don't!" was all Ilona had time to say, but it made no difference. The Greek wizard came up holding the ring between his fingers, showing no signs of harm.
"That," Professor Sandstad said scathingly, "was brilliant even for you, Chiron."
"Thank you. Here's a surprise for you," the Iphinassa head said, squinting at the object in his hand. "The ring seems to be made of some type of hide, folded in on itself..."
"Like parchment?" Bo Dwyer suggested.
The Greek professor nodded. "Exactly." He began delicately prising the layers of parchment apart.
Ilona wanted to cover her eyes, sure that the man in front of her was about to be struck by a curse. Instead, she kept studying the fragments on the floor until she spotted what looked like a sliver of crystal fingernail. This confirmed her guess that there had originally been two fingers inside the figurine.
"Can you read it?" asked the teacher from Isola Indietro.
Chiron squinted at the unrolled slip of parchment, first with one eye, then with the other. Then he shook his head. "It is - how do you say? - all Greek to me."
Sandstad snatched the parchment from him, gave a disgusted noise, and handed it to the Italian witch, who also shook her head.
Ilona allowed herself a peek at the parchment, and was so surprised to see words written in her native Romanian that she forgot to keep the crystal finger levitating. Typically, Chiron lunged and caught it in time to stop it shattering on the floor.
"One of these days, you're going to regret that habit," Sandstad sneered.
Chiron gaped at him. "What did you say?"
"It wasn't a threat," the Tummetot head replied, exasperated. "I only meant that you shouldn't rush to touch things that may be..."
"I can't hear a word," Chiron interrupted. "Great Hecate! I can't hear my own voice! Help! I've been cursed!" His voice rising to a wail, he let the finger fall out of his hand. This time Ilona caught it with a ready levitation spell.
"Oh, that was close," said Bo Dwyer.
"Say again?" said the Greek wizard, his expression changing.
"You're a right twit, aren't you?" the journalist added.
"I heard that!" said Chiron. "I'm not deaf, you know! Wait... I'm not deaf! Hee hee!"
"Not cursed, then," mused the Italian Quidditch teacher.
"No," said Ilona. "The parchment explains that the fingers are given as ear-stoppers against a time when it becomes perilous to hear the words of men."
"Apparently," Sandstad observed, "One is enough."
"That is odd, though," said Ilona. "The instructions say you need one for each ear. Clearly, you needn't actually stick them in your ears..."
"Oh, but I've been deaf on the left side since I was a boy," Chiron said cheerfully. "Had a bit of an accident with my father's wand when I was too little to have my own."
"I see how well it taught you not to handle things you don't understand," Sandstad muttered.
"Just think," marveled the boy in the hospital bed, "how many centuries the Maltese have revered this stone bird, and all along it was just waiting for the right time to break open..."
"And reveal ear-stopping fingers," said Professor Sandstad, looking disgusted. "What a waste of time!"
Ilona, meanwhile, had plucked the finger out of the air. She looked at the others and said, "I can still hear you, but only out of my right ear."
"Hold it in your wand hand," the Italian witch suggested.
Ilona switched the finger to her right hand and said, "Somebody say something."
"I have a poster of your Magymnastics team in my dormitory," the injured student told her. "Would you sign it for me?"
"Wasn't that a bit before your time?" said Ilona, blushing slightly. "Oh! Now I'm deaf on the right side!"
"You see?" cried Chiron, as if this proved something he had asserted. "With only one finger intact, it is only useful to someone who has been deafened in one ear."
"If you're suggesting that this object rightfully belongs to you," said Professor Sandstad, "then let me remind you that a great deal of study remains..."
"I suppose you think, somehow, that you're best qualified to be the first to study it," Chiron blustered back.
"If by 'best qualified' you mean cleverer than yourself, then yes," Sandstad retorted. "Besides, it was my student who took the falcon, and sacrificed his life for it. Therefore, it comes to Tummetot."
"Are you deaf in one ear?" Chiron challenged.
Sandstad shrugged. "I'll study it while wearing my whispering cloak. Every headmaster at Tummetot has worn it since the 18th century. I use it to remind me of appointments and to give me directions for the shortest route from one classroom to another. Unfortunately it also has a way of criticizing one's spellwork and potion ingredients, which can be very..."
"I have no interest in capes that whisper in people's ears," the Greek wizard spat. "The fact that I own an air-cooled T-shirt does not make me best qualified to judge an ice sculpting contest. Your fashionable wardrobe is not the question. The question is whether this artifact had better be examined by someone who has made a career in wizard archaeology - which is to say, me - or by someone who cannot even find his way around his own school without..."
"The finger is in my custody," Ilona said in a soft but firm tone that instantly quelled the two headmasters' loud argument. They glared at her rebelliously, but said nothing. The RMB had jurisdiction in this incident, after all.
Ilona collected the other fragments in a leather pouch, tucking it into one pocket of her robes and the finger into another. "Other agents will come round to interview all of you in the morning. I'll be flying to Malta tonight. But first, may I have a private room and a few moments with Mr. Dwyer and his associate?"
The journalist looked nonplussed. The headmasters turned away grumbling. The young man in the bed furrowed his brow, wondering if he was going to get that autograph after all. "This way," said the Italian witch, leading Ilona out of the infirmary with Bo Dwyer and his photographer in tow.
+++ DOUBLE CHALLENGE FOR TMQ #154 +++
You can help decide what happens next in The Magic Quill! Simply leave a brief comment (up to 150 words) answering the following Survey and Contest. The survey answer with the most votes, and the contest answer that Robbie likes best, will turn up in the chapter after next. [EDIT: This discussion is now closed.]
SURVEY: What became of Sir Lionel Niblet? (A) He was kidnapped. (B) He survived a broom crash but was stranded in a remote, hard-to-reach part of the world. (C) He went into hiding. (D) He woke up in a strange place with no memory of who he was.
CONTEST: Describe a villainous way to use a specific magical creature.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
151. The Knock-Knock Joke of Doom
Contest winner: TWZRD
Runner-up: greyniffler
Merlin and Miss Pucey watched the water on the steps after Rigel swam away. When it had grown quite calm, Merlin smiled thinly and said, "Well, Miss Pucey, we'll want to make the best of our lad's diversion and move on before the merhags come back."
"That sounds very well," said the pretty young witch, "but I don't see a door."
"It will be well concealed," Merlin admitted. He laid his lit wand on the palm of his hand and said, "Point me." The wand spun of its own accord. It came to rest pointing back over Merlin's left shoulder. As he turned to face that direction, the wand continued to point toward the same featureless wall. "I reckon it's this way," he said, trying to sound confident about it.
"North?" said the witch. "What makes you think the door is on the north side of the vault?"
"I don't," said Merlin. "This is a special wand, made by a friend of mine. The troll nose-hair core makes it point the way out of any place underground."
"Hmmm," said Miss Pucey. "I suppose it's as my mother always says."
"What is?"
"You can pick your friends. Your friends can pick trolls' noses. But you may not want to share a basket of popcorn with them."
"Your mother must have prepared you for anything," Merlin murmured as the they approached the bit of wall indicated by the wand. As he moved to and fro along the wall, the wand shifted on his palm. He raised it, lowered it, watched what the wand-tip did, and soon made a "Hmmm" sound of his own.
"Did you think of something your mother said?" Miss Pucey asked demurely.
"No," said Merlin, "but our exit seems to be more of a window than a door." He set his bag down and pressed his free hand against the wall and slid it toward the area indicated by the wand. He almost fell forward when the solid wall gave way to blank space.
"What is it?" Miss Pucey whispered. "A magic wall? An illusion?"
"Something like that," said Merlin. He felt around the edges of the unseen window, then started to climb through.
Miss Pucey gripped his elbow, holding him back. "Are you sure about this?"
"It's that or a long swim through a merhag colony," said Merlin.
She released his elbow. Merlin shoved his bag through the window, then climbed in after it. The wall remained seemingly solid, so that he seemed to be disappearing through solid stone. At last only his wrist and empty hand remained on Miss Pucey's side of the window. It beckoned to her. She gripped it and plunged through the wall head-first.
Merlin pulled her into a narrow chamber and helped her regain her feet. Once again, they seemed to be surrounded by unbroken stone. The wand now pointed toward the far end of the chamber, only a dozen strides away. At the top of a short staircase was a door, only vaguely disguised as a stone wall. It had a definite door shape, and a kind of knocker at Merlin's waist level, but no knob. Clearly it had not been designed by or for humans.
Merlin reached toward the knocker, then hesitated before his fingers touched it. It had the appearance of an ugly face, scowling malevolently at them. The hinged part hung below its nose, curving downward at the ends like a pair of thick, frowning lips.
"Not very welcoming," said Miss Pucey, staring at the knocker over Merlin's shoulder. She pointed her wand under his arm and added, "Fovea Revelio."
Nothing happened.
"Nothing happened," Merlin observed.
"It isn't a trap, then," said Miss Pucey. "Give it a knock."
"I hope you're right," said Merlin. He grasped the scowling face's lips and tried to prise them loose, but they wouldn't budge.
"Bit rusty?" Miss Pucey asked.
"I'd say it's all one piece," said Merlin.
For a moment, Miss Pucey's frown mirrored that on the supposed knocker. Then she pointed her wand again and muttered, "Techna Revelio."
The next moment, the face on the knocker came to life. The lips parted, and in a voice like the shriek of a rusty hinge they said: "Turn a frown upside-down." Then it clammed up.
The wizard looked at the witch. The witch looked at the wizard.
"Maybe it's a doorknob after all," Miss Pucey suggested. "Shall we try turning it?"
Merlin tried turning the knocker with no success. "Any other suggestions?"
"Unless you feel like standing on your head," she said, "I'm out of ideas."
The knocker snorted.
Miss Pucey gave Merlin a wounded look. "This is no time for levity, sir."
"I know," said Merlin, privately wondering how Rigel had managed to turn out the way he had with such a battle-axe dangling over him. "It wasn't me. It was the gargoyle."
For a long while they stood on the steps, quietly considering what to do next. Then Merlin squeezed past Miss Pucey and knelt down to rummage through the satchel he had brought with him. He was sure there must be something in his sack of tricks, something that could get them through this - until a rusty snicker brought him up short.
He shot a glare over his shoulder. The knocker scowled as evilly as ever.
"It has a sense of humor," Miss Pucey observed.
Merlin's rummaging hands became still. "Turn a frown upside down," he mused.
"Eh?"
He marched up to the door again, satchel in one hand and wand in the other. "Knock, knock," he said in a false, singsong voice.
The iron lips parted just enough to retort, "Who's there?"
"Caldron."
"Caldron who?" grated the horrible knocker.
"Caldron this time yesterday," Merlin replied archly, "but you weren't in."
The knocker seemed to contemplate this remark for a split second. Then it stuck its tongue out and made a rude noise.
"It didn't seem to like that one," said Miss Pucey.
Merlin rolled his eyes. He scratched his scalp with the nub of his wand. Then he squared his shoulders and said, once more: "Knock, knock."
The knocker managed to pout even more as it scraped out the words, "Who's there?"
"Yer wand."
"Yer wand who?"
"Yer wand better manners, yer lout."
A corner of the knocker's grotesque lips twitched for half an instant. Then it resumed its studied frown.
"We'll starve to death in here at this rate," Miss Pucey fretted.
Merlin raised his eyebrows at her. "Can you do better?"
"Knock, knock," she said at once, looking him in the eyes.
"Who's there?" snapped the face on the door.
"House-elf."
"House-elf who?"
"House-elfish of you to keep us standing out here all this time!"
The knocker's frown suddenly became a grin. It even gave a raspy chuckle.
"Quickly!" Miss Pucey hissed.
Merlin hooked the bottom of the iron smile with two fingers and pulled. The center of the smile parted from the face. He gave two knocks with it that seemed to be swallowed up by solid stone. It seemed impossible that anyone could have heard it from even a few feet away.
The scowl returned to the knocker's face.
"Now what?" Miss Pucey asked.
"I'm open to suggestions," Merlin replied.
"Do that point-me thing again," Miss Pucey prompted.
Before he could position his wand on the palm of his hand, however, the stone wall at the top of the steps began to slide away from them with a terrible grinding noise that filled their small chamber. They covered their ears and looked at each other with watering eyes. It only lasted for a moment before the movement stopped, and the noise with it.
Merlin looked up. The front wall of the chamber had receded just enough to allow them to sidle around it. There seemed to be open space on both sides of it.
"After you," he said.
Holding their lit wands ahead of them, Miss Pucey ducked to the left of the wall, Merlin to the right. Scarcely had he tugged his satchel out of the way before the wall slammed back into place, leaving the chamber in total darkness.
+++ DOUBLE CHALLENGE FOR TMQ #153 +++
You can help decide what happens next in The Magic Quill! Simply leave a brief comment (up to 150 words) answering the following Survey and Contest. The survey answer with the most votes, and the contest answer that Robbie likes best, will turn up in the chapter after next. [EDIT: This discussion is now closed.]
SURVEY: After being trapped in Lysippus Bean's departmental memo, Sadie finds herself held at the Ministry of Magic under arrest. What happens next? (A) She withstands interrogation while planning her own escape. (B) Joe Albuquerque swoops in (disguised, of course) and springs her from custody. (C) Chat Noir swoops in (pretending to be Joe) and captures her.
CONTEST: Propose a law or basic principle of magic, complete with a whimsical name, such as Tybalt's Second Law of Transfiguration, or the Principle of the Conservation of Ectoplasm, etc. Briefly explain what it says. Creative nonsense will be accepted!
Runner-up: greyniffler
Merlin and Miss Pucey watched the water on the steps after Rigel swam away. When it had grown quite calm, Merlin smiled thinly and said, "Well, Miss Pucey, we'll want to make the best of our lad's diversion and move on before the merhags come back."
"That sounds very well," said the pretty young witch, "but I don't see a door."
"It will be well concealed," Merlin admitted. He laid his lit wand on the palm of his hand and said, "Point me." The wand spun of its own accord. It came to rest pointing back over Merlin's left shoulder. As he turned to face that direction, the wand continued to point toward the same featureless wall. "I reckon it's this way," he said, trying to sound confident about it.
"North?" said the witch. "What makes you think the door is on the north side of the vault?"
"I don't," said Merlin. "This is a special wand, made by a friend of mine. The troll nose-hair core makes it point the way out of any place underground."
"Hmmm," said Miss Pucey. "I suppose it's as my mother always says."
"What is?"
"You can pick your friends. Your friends can pick trolls' noses. But you may not want to share a basket of popcorn with them."
"Your mother must have prepared you for anything," Merlin murmured as the they approached the bit of wall indicated by the wand. As he moved to and fro along the wall, the wand shifted on his palm. He raised it, lowered it, watched what the wand-tip did, and soon made a "Hmmm" sound of his own.
"Did you think of something your mother said?" Miss Pucey asked demurely.
"No," said Merlin, "but our exit seems to be more of a window than a door." He set his bag down and pressed his free hand against the wall and slid it toward the area indicated by the wand. He almost fell forward when the solid wall gave way to blank space.
"What is it?" Miss Pucey whispered. "A magic wall? An illusion?"
"Something like that," said Merlin. He felt around the edges of the unseen window, then started to climb through.
Miss Pucey gripped his elbow, holding him back. "Are you sure about this?"
"It's that or a long swim through a merhag colony," said Merlin.
She released his elbow. Merlin shoved his bag through the window, then climbed in after it. The wall remained seemingly solid, so that he seemed to be disappearing through solid stone. At last only his wrist and empty hand remained on Miss Pucey's side of the window. It beckoned to her. She gripped it and plunged through the wall head-first.
Merlin pulled her into a narrow chamber and helped her regain her feet. Once again, they seemed to be surrounded by unbroken stone. The wand now pointed toward the far end of the chamber, only a dozen strides away. At the top of a short staircase was a door, only vaguely disguised as a stone wall. It had a definite door shape, and a kind of knocker at Merlin's waist level, but no knob. Clearly it had not been designed by or for humans.
Merlin reached toward the knocker, then hesitated before his fingers touched it. It had the appearance of an ugly face, scowling malevolently at them. The hinged part hung below its nose, curving downward at the ends like a pair of thick, frowning lips.
"Not very welcoming," said Miss Pucey, staring at the knocker over Merlin's shoulder. She pointed her wand under his arm and added, "Fovea Revelio."
Nothing happened.
"Nothing happened," Merlin observed.
"It isn't a trap, then," said Miss Pucey. "Give it a knock."
"I hope you're right," said Merlin. He grasped the scowling face's lips and tried to prise them loose, but they wouldn't budge.
"Bit rusty?" Miss Pucey asked.
"I'd say it's all one piece," said Merlin.
For a moment, Miss Pucey's frown mirrored that on the supposed knocker. Then she pointed her wand again and muttered, "Techna Revelio."
The next moment, the face on the knocker came to life. The lips parted, and in a voice like the shriek of a rusty hinge they said: "Turn a frown upside-down." Then it clammed up.
The wizard looked at the witch. The witch looked at the wizard.
"Maybe it's a doorknob after all," Miss Pucey suggested. "Shall we try turning it?"
Merlin tried turning the knocker with no success. "Any other suggestions?"
"Unless you feel like standing on your head," she said, "I'm out of ideas."
The knocker snorted.
Miss Pucey gave Merlin a wounded look. "This is no time for levity, sir."
"I know," said Merlin, privately wondering how Rigel had managed to turn out the way he had with such a battle-axe dangling over him. "It wasn't me. It was the gargoyle."
For a long while they stood on the steps, quietly considering what to do next. Then Merlin squeezed past Miss Pucey and knelt down to rummage through the satchel he had brought with him. He was sure there must be something in his sack of tricks, something that could get them through this - until a rusty snicker brought him up short.
He shot a glare over his shoulder. The knocker scowled as evilly as ever.
"It has a sense of humor," Miss Pucey observed.
Merlin's rummaging hands became still. "Turn a frown upside down," he mused.
"Eh?"
He marched up to the door again, satchel in one hand and wand in the other. "Knock, knock," he said in a false, singsong voice.
The iron lips parted just enough to retort, "Who's there?"
"Caldron."
"Caldron who?" grated the horrible knocker.
"Caldron this time yesterday," Merlin replied archly, "but you weren't in."
The knocker seemed to contemplate this remark for a split second. Then it stuck its tongue out and made a rude noise.
"It didn't seem to like that one," said Miss Pucey.
Merlin rolled his eyes. He scratched his scalp with the nub of his wand. Then he squared his shoulders and said, once more: "Knock, knock."
The knocker managed to pout even more as it scraped out the words, "Who's there?"
"Yer wand."
"Yer wand who?"
"Yer wand better manners, yer lout."
A corner of the knocker's grotesque lips twitched for half an instant. Then it resumed its studied frown.
"We'll starve to death in here at this rate," Miss Pucey fretted.
Merlin raised his eyebrows at her. "Can you do better?"
"Knock, knock," she said at once, looking him in the eyes.
"Who's there?" snapped the face on the door.
"House-elf."
"House-elf who?"
"House-elfish of you to keep us standing out here all this time!"
The knocker's frown suddenly became a grin. It even gave a raspy chuckle.
"Quickly!" Miss Pucey hissed.
Merlin hooked the bottom of the iron smile with two fingers and pulled. The center of the smile parted from the face. He gave two knocks with it that seemed to be swallowed up by solid stone. It seemed impossible that anyone could have heard it from even a few feet away.
The scowl returned to the knocker's face.
"Now what?" Miss Pucey asked.
"I'm open to suggestions," Merlin replied.
"Do that point-me thing again," Miss Pucey prompted.
Before he could position his wand on the palm of his hand, however, the stone wall at the top of the steps began to slide away from them with a terrible grinding noise that filled their small chamber. They covered their ears and looked at each other with watering eyes. It only lasted for a moment before the movement stopped, and the noise with it.
Merlin looked up. The front wall of the chamber had receded just enough to allow them to sidle around it. There seemed to be open space on both sides of it.
"After you," he said.
Holding their lit wands ahead of them, Miss Pucey ducked to the left of the wall, Merlin to the right. Scarcely had he tugged his satchel out of the way before the wall slammed back into place, leaving the chamber in total darkness.
+++ DOUBLE CHALLENGE FOR TMQ #153 +++
You can help decide what happens next in The Magic Quill! Simply leave a brief comment (up to 150 words) answering the following Survey and Contest. The survey answer with the most votes, and the contest answer that Robbie likes best, will turn up in the chapter after next. [EDIT: This discussion is now closed.]
SURVEY: After being trapped in Lysippus Bean's departmental memo, Sadie finds herself held at the Ministry of Magic under arrest. What happens next? (A) She withstands interrogation while planning her own escape. (B) Joe Albuquerque swoops in (disguised, of course) and springs her from custody. (C) Chat Noir swoops in (pretending to be Joe) and captures her.
CONTEST: Propose a law or basic principle of magic, complete with a whimsical name, such as Tybalt's Second Law of Transfiguration, or the Principle of the Conservation of Ectoplasm, etc. Briefly explain what it says. Creative nonsense will be accepted!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
150. Warp and Weft
ROBBIE'S NOTE
CHAPTERS 105-109. "What's the Rest of Me Doing There?" reveals the trouble Spanky's son has adjusting to no longer being able to turn parts of his body invisible. It also introduces the idea of a magical scavenger hunt which, for some reason, never came up again. In the next chapter, Harvey has "Tea with Il Comte," in what starts out as a very civilized wizard's duel and ends with the discovery that his travels through time have (will?) split Harvey into two people. Merlin resumes his account of his and Rigel's escape from Gringotts in "The Ossuaries," in which a goblin graveyard raises the hopes of Merlin's party. They get as far as "The Final Causeway" in the next chapter - which is their last stop before rushing through the ground floor of the bank in "Murder on the Hogwarts Express."
CHAPTERS 110-114. In "Refilling the Ink Pot," readers responded to the question of how much longer the Magic Quill should continue. It is now only a few weeks since we fulfilled our commitment to write at least 36 more chapters together. Everything from here on is gravy! "An Elopement Postponed" continues the story of how Spanky and Ilona started their family, which involved overcoming her little problem of being invisible to everyone but him. Their first assignment as a couple is to guard Sir Lionel's gardens, which are threatened by a magical saboteur. The clues lead Spanky to a duel with "The Savage Noble," otherwise known as Sid Shmedly. The question becomes: How did Shmedly become immune to jinxes? Next, an anonymous tip leads Spanky to visit "Full Moon Kennel," sort of a Club Med for werewolves, and our introduction to the silver-dagger-making Goode Brothers. The Potters turn up at Sir Lionel's in "The Unusual Suspects," which also includes a letter from Horace Slughorn on the question of what makes Shmedly spell-proof.
CHAPTERS 115-119. Spanky wears Harry Potter's invisibility cloak in "The Day of Five Puzzles," in which an entire team of RMB agents goes missing, a house-elf gets a poignant death scene (mind you, this was before Deathly Hallows!), and a trail of clues points toward a finishing school for hags. We get a look at the perspectus for Madam Hunsicker's Academy in "Home Wiccanomics," where the school motto means "The spiders are watching you." Spanky questions Madam Hunsicker herself in "Two If By Biscuit," until a cherubic villain named Minimilian appears. This story is interrupted by "Laughing Matter," Bo Dwyer's report of the wedding of Erastus Sidwell and Doreen Pinch - better known to us as Merlin and Endora. This chapter reunited so many members of TMQ's cast that there wasn't room to include blog labels for all of them, so if you sense a gap in the history of your favorite character, it may be here. Spanky's boyhood nemesis comes to a sticky end in "Farewell to Shmedly," where Minimilian claims Spanky has something that belongs to him.
CHAPTERS 120-124. In "The Safety Pin" Minimilian proves to be as stupid as villains usually are when he goes off to play golf while Spanky considers his offer. This gives Ilona a chance, in "Madrigal Unchained," to explain the history of the ring of Count Matthias. Minimilian is last seen running-flat out with a hungry hag at his heels. Between this chapter and "Mr. Exion's Daughters," Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released. That book changed a lot of things for the Magic Quill, starting as Spanky wakes up from the Battle of Hogwarts and finds himself serving as the guinea pig in a diabolical experiment. The fallout from Book 7 continues in "The Care and Feeding of MIADs," as an indoor rainstorm in Hogwarts' Great Hall leads Joe Albuquerque to realize that one of his friends is in grave danger. We meet RMB Agent Caspar Dalrymple in "The Eyes Have It," when an interrogation of a magical swindler holds the key to saving Spanky from a terrible fate.
CHAPTERS 125-129. While Sadie enjoys a magical advice column called "Ask Fran Sanders," her cellmate comes closer to recovering a missing object of unguessed-at power. The cavalry comes for Spanky just in time to save him from "The Platypus Test," but not soon enough to prevent the Exion Sisters leaving an unseen mark on him. "Oldmanson and Son" meet at Vold-Mart ("FEWER CURSES. MORE DAMAGE"), but one of them isn't what he seems. When "Vivis Exion" meets Spanky, by chance, in the potion abuse ward at St. Mungo's, she tries to avenge her nieces on him, only to be avenged for what they did to Spanky. Rigel's captors immure him in "The Crystal Cave," where he meets a strange-talking figure in the darkness.
CHAPTERS 130-134. Harvey and Spanky undergo group therapy together in "Wish Wash," where we learn a lot about the dangers of potion abuse. Meanwhile, Rigel and the other Harvey start trying to round up help for a raid on the Drains in "Scratching Post." In "Harvey Face to Face," the two Harveys meet again in another group therapy session. Miles O'Roughage gets recruited to join the raid while dealing with one of the Ministry's pettiest bureaucrats, "Titus Fistley." Harvey's plan, in the making since Chapter 7, finally comes off when he extorts the largest fortune in magical history from the man who knows how to make "Hot Ice." But even that is only the first step in his Grand Plan...about which we still know nothing.
CHAPTERS 135-139. Sadie puts her catfish-burglar skills to good use in "The Spy Who Jinxed Me," but a young master of disguise named Chat Noir gets to the ring of Count Matthias first. Noir then uses the ring to obtain a deadly potion from "Fistley Confunded." Working with Joe Albuquerque, Sadie follows Noir to the secret lair of Uncle or Aunt Leslie, who is not only surprisingly alive but planning to unleash "Death by Aromatherapy." Next, we flash back to a Las Vegas casino, where a meeting of two masters of disguise leads to the duel of wits known as "Elvis vs. Einstein." More disguises, booby-traps, and a house on chicken's feet complicate the plot in "Don't Kid a Kidder" so much that it doesn't really make sense if you think about it. Oops!
CHAPTERS 140-144. "Persephone's Yak" launches Spanky on a new trail of clues, beginning when his daughter finds a dead beast under her bed. This somehow connects with an unsolved murder and the Goode Brothers' silver daggers, which just goes to show my way of treating loose threads from earlier chapters. Why tie them up neatly? Why not follow them and see where they lead? Meanwhile, our Merlin begins a new quest with "The Gift-Giving," when the clown wizards hire him to prove that Il Comte has something that belongs to the goblins. (Let's call this "Thread A" for now.) Spanky's investigation ("Thread B") leads him to the sitting room of "Madam Solfeggia," who proves that music really does soothe the savage beast, or breast, or whatever. Sadie ("Thread C") watches "Enormity in Action" - which is to say, a duel between Il Comte and Uncle or Aunt Leslie. And Spanky goes to remarkable lengths to question the magical world's most secretive merchant, Julian Cribble - a.k.a. "Jude the Insecure."
CHAPTERS 145-149. Bo Dwyer reports on "The Hexischoleiad," giving us our first hint about Thread A since Il Comte stuck Merlin into a cage. Merlin summons Rigel to a vault deep under the canals of Venice, mainly to help him distract "The Merhags." "The Hexischoleiad, Part 2" hints that Il Comte plans to use the ring of Count Matthias to go into politics. Eventually we find Ilona investigating a new mystery ("Thread D"?), or perhaps the point where all the other threads come together. Sadie, meanwhile, grabs the ring of Count Matthias from under the noses of Il Comte, Chat Noir, and Uncle or Aunt Leslie and runs for it, only to find herself trapped "Between the Lines" of a piece of paperwork. Finally, in "The Fruit Troll" Spanky sniffs his way to his old hometown, where Sir Lionel Niblet's disappearance compounds the mystery that started with a dead yak in a child's bedroom.
Got all that? Great! Now you're ready to take part in our...
+++ DOUBLE CHALLENGE FOR TMQ #152+++
You can help decide what happens next in The Magic Quill! Simply leave a brief comment (up to 150 words) answering the following Survey and Contest. The survey answer with the most votes, and the contest answer that Robbie likes best, will turn up in the chapter after next. [EDIT: This discussion is now closed.]
SURVEY: The shiny object found inside the falcon figurine at the end of Chapter 147 means: A) The figurine is a fake, since the real one is unbreakable. B) Il Comte is planning something even worse than what Uncle or Aunt Leslie would have done with the ring. C) The makers of the falcon planned for it to open at a time when the object inside would be needed. D) The makers of the figurine designed it to open only at the touch of a certain future person.
CONTEST: Describe a piece of clothing with helpful magical properties.
At last, the "third season" of the Magic Quill has come to a much-delayed close. The time is ripe for another 50-chapter digest. If you've tuned in late, it may also help to read these capsule summaries of the first and second seasons, as well as this handy guide to the characters in the first 100 chapters. The real pleasure is in the details, though. It pays to read all the chapters in full!CHAPTERS 101-104. In "Eulogy for a Dark Wizard," we learn of the death of Vold-Mart's founding villain, the ravenous Uncle or Aunt Leslie, plus some colorful details of his or her background. Totally obsessed fans may remember that Leslie's last name, revealed in this chapter, changed shortly after it was first published. The reason? The name I originally came up with proved to be religiously offensive. We at the Magic Quill are all about pushing the boundaries! "The Drains" showed us where our friend Harvey lives, as his friends from the back parlor of the Hog's Head help him move several barrels of dragon bogeys into his flat. You might notice that this chapter takes place during the Scrimgeour ministry. Harvey continues his preparations to drink the Essence of Merlin in "From the Weasley-Wheeze Press," a chapter filled with adverts for joke items. In "Vitis Leprosa" Harvey tests his potion for living backward in time on one of Miles O'Roughage's trees.
A lot has changed for the Magic Quill. When this column started in May 2004, readers were invited to send me their story ideas through the MuggleNet feedback system. This proved to be too open-ended, even with a 150-word limit. As of Chapter 73, this changed to submitting answers to specific survey and contest questions, via the Chamber of Secrets forums. As recently as Chapter 145, things changed again with the arrival of the Magic Quill blog, where survey and contest answers can be submitted as comments.
I would like to hear from you about which method of participating in The Magic Quill works best for you. For now, either leave a comment or send me feedback through MuggleNet, indicating whether you would prefer to work through the blog, CoS, or MuggleNet feedback. Perhaps having all these options available will prove to be best, but for now it's nice to be able to find all the readers' responses in one place.
Above all, I appeal to everyone reading this to do their part to help The Magic Quill make it to Chapter 200. Simply share your brief ideas in response to each week's Double Challenge, by whatever method works best for you. And now, without any more mucking about, let's review what happened in Season Three...
CHAPTERS 105-109. "What's the Rest of Me Doing There?" reveals the trouble Spanky's son has adjusting to no longer being able to turn parts of his body invisible. It also introduces the idea of a magical scavenger hunt which, for some reason, never came up again. In the next chapter, Harvey has "Tea with Il Comte," in what starts out as a very civilized wizard's duel and ends with the discovery that his travels through time have (will?) split Harvey into two people. Merlin resumes his account of his and Rigel's escape from Gringotts in "The Ossuaries," in which a goblin graveyard raises the hopes of Merlin's party. They get as far as "The Final Causeway" in the next chapter - which is their last stop before rushing through the ground floor of the bank in "Murder on the Hogwarts Express."
CHAPTERS 110-114. In "Refilling the Ink Pot," readers responded to the question of how much longer the Magic Quill should continue. It is now only a few weeks since we fulfilled our commitment to write at least 36 more chapters together. Everything from here on is gravy! "An Elopement Postponed" continues the story of how Spanky and Ilona started their family, which involved overcoming her little problem of being invisible to everyone but him. Their first assignment as a couple is to guard Sir Lionel's gardens, which are threatened by a magical saboteur. The clues lead Spanky to a duel with "The Savage Noble," otherwise known as Sid Shmedly. The question becomes: How did Shmedly become immune to jinxes? Next, an anonymous tip leads Spanky to visit "Full Moon Kennel," sort of a Club Med for werewolves, and our introduction to the silver-dagger-making Goode Brothers. The Potters turn up at Sir Lionel's in "The Unusual Suspects," which also includes a letter from Horace Slughorn on the question of what makes Shmedly spell-proof.
CHAPTERS 115-119. Spanky wears Harry Potter's invisibility cloak in "The Day of Five Puzzles," in which an entire team of RMB agents goes missing, a house-elf gets a poignant death scene (mind you, this was before Deathly Hallows!), and a trail of clues points toward a finishing school for hags. We get a look at the perspectus for Madam Hunsicker's Academy in "Home Wiccanomics," where the school motto means "The spiders are watching you." Spanky questions Madam Hunsicker herself in "Two If By Biscuit," until a cherubic villain named Minimilian appears. This story is interrupted by "Laughing Matter," Bo Dwyer's report of the wedding of Erastus Sidwell and Doreen Pinch - better known to us as Merlin and Endora. This chapter reunited so many members of TMQ's cast that there wasn't room to include blog labels for all of them, so if you sense a gap in the history of your favorite character, it may be here. Spanky's boyhood nemesis comes to a sticky end in "Farewell to Shmedly," where Minimilian claims Spanky has something that belongs to him.
CHAPTERS 120-124. In "The Safety Pin" Minimilian proves to be as stupid as villains usually are when he goes off to play golf while Spanky considers his offer. This gives Ilona a chance, in "Madrigal Unchained," to explain the history of the ring of Count Matthias. Minimilian is last seen running-flat out with a hungry hag at his heels. Between this chapter and "Mr. Exion's Daughters," Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released. That book changed a lot of things for the Magic Quill, starting as Spanky wakes up from the Battle of Hogwarts and finds himself serving as the guinea pig in a diabolical experiment. The fallout from Book 7 continues in "The Care and Feeding of MIADs," as an indoor rainstorm in Hogwarts' Great Hall leads Joe Albuquerque to realize that one of his friends is in grave danger. We meet RMB Agent Caspar Dalrymple in "The Eyes Have It," when an interrogation of a magical swindler holds the key to saving Spanky from a terrible fate.
CHAPTERS 125-129. While Sadie enjoys a magical advice column called "Ask Fran Sanders," her cellmate comes closer to recovering a missing object of unguessed-at power. The cavalry comes for Spanky just in time to save him from "The Platypus Test," but not soon enough to prevent the Exion Sisters leaving an unseen mark on him. "Oldmanson and Son" meet at Vold-Mart ("FEWER CURSES. MORE DAMAGE"), but one of them isn't what he seems. When "Vivis Exion" meets Spanky, by chance, in the potion abuse ward at St. Mungo's, she tries to avenge her nieces on him, only to be avenged for what they did to Spanky. Rigel's captors immure him in "The Crystal Cave," where he meets a strange-talking figure in the darkness.
CHAPTERS 130-134. Harvey and Spanky undergo group therapy together in "Wish Wash," where we learn a lot about the dangers of potion abuse. Meanwhile, Rigel and the other Harvey start trying to round up help for a raid on the Drains in "Scratching Post." In "Harvey Face to Face," the two Harveys meet again in another group therapy session. Miles O'Roughage gets recruited to join the raid while dealing with one of the Ministry's pettiest bureaucrats, "Titus Fistley." Harvey's plan, in the making since Chapter 7, finally comes off when he extorts the largest fortune in magical history from the man who knows how to make "Hot Ice." But even that is only the first step in his Grand Plan...about which we still know nothing.
CHAPTERS 135-139. Sadie puts her catfish-burglar skills to good use in "The Spy Who Jinxed Me," but a young master of disguise named Chat Noir gets to the ring of Count Matthias first. Noir then uses the ring to obtain a deadly potion from "Fistley Confunded." Working with Joe Albuquerque, Sadie follows Noir to the secret lair of Uncle or Aunt Leslie, who is not only surprisingly alive but planning to unleash "Death by Aromatherapy." Next, we flash back to a Las Vegas casino, where a meeting of two masters of disguise leads to the duel of wits known as "Elvis vs. Einstein." More disguises, booby-traps, and a house on chicken's feet complicate the plot in "Don't Kid a Kidder" so much that it doesn't really make sense if you think about it. Oops!
CHAPTERS 140-144. "Persephone's Yak" launches Spanky on a new trail of clues, beginning when his daughter finds a dead beast under her bed. This somehow connects with an unsolved murder and the Goode Brothers' silver daggers, which just goes to show my way of treating loose threads from earlier chapters. Why tie them up neatly? Why not follow them and see where they lead? Meanwhile, our Merlin begins a new quest with "The Gift-Giving," when the clown wizards hire him to prove that Il Comte has something that belongs to the goblins. (Let's call this "Thread A" for now.) Spanky's investigation ("Thread B") leads him to the sitting room of "Madam Solfeggia," who proves that music really does soothe the savage beast, or breast, or whatever. Sadie ("Thread C") watches "Enormity in Action" - which is to say, a duel between Il Comte and Uncle or Aunt Leslie. And Spanky goes to remarkable lengths to question the magical world's most secretive merchant, Julian Cribble - a.k.a. "Jude the Insecure."
CHAPTERS 145-149. Bo Dwyer reports on "The Hexischoleiad," giving us our first hint about Thread A since Il Comte stuck Merlin into a cage. Merlin summons Rigel to a vault deep under the canals of Venice, mainly to help him distract "The Merhags." "The Hexischoleiad, Part 2" hints that Il Comte plans to use the ring of Count Matthias to go into politics. Eventually we find Ilona investigating a new mystery ("Thread D"?), or perhaps the point where all the other threads come together. Sadie, meanwhile, grabs the ring of Count Matthias from under the noses of Il Comte, Chat Noir, and Uncle or Aunt Leslie and runs for it, only to find herself trapped "Between the Lines" of a piece of paperwork. Finally, in "The Fruit Troll" Spanky sniffs his way to his old hometown, where Sir Lionel Niblet's disappearance compounds the mystery that started with a dead yak in a child's bedroom.
Got all that? Great! Now you're ready to take part in our...
+++ DOUBLE CHALLENGE FOR TMQ #152+++
You can help decide what happens next in The Magic Quill! Simply leave a brief comment (up to 150 words) answering the following Survey and Contest. The survey answer with the most votes, and the contest answer that Robbie likes best, will turn up in the chapter after next. [EDIT: This discussion is now closed.]
SURVEY: The shiny object found inside the falcon figurine at the end of Chapter 147 means: A) The figurine is a fake, since the real one is unbreakable. B) Il Comte is planning something even worse than what Uncle or Aunt Leslie would have done with the ring. C) The makers of the falcon planned for it to open at a time when the object inside would be needed. D) The makers of the figurine designed it to open only at the touch of a certain future person.
CONTEST: Describe a piece of clothing with helpful magical properties.
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